i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
