i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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