Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just had sex bonerless
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
