I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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