He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
