I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
