yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
