i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
