You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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