so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
