Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
