The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
