the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
