I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
