i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
