the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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