all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
