and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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