the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
