Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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