You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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