mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
