Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you still have your period?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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