i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
