so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
