i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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