Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
