OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
These tits shall not be calmed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize