I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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