who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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