47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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