God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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