Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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