the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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