my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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