wat bout pragnant strippers??
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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