one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
