I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
