Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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