She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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