Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
