Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
