i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
