Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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