I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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