Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
