after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
