The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
