I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
