I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
