i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
