Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Randomize