your parents love me but you hate me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
