Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
