He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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