he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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