that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
