Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
