I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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