I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
