When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
