made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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