Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize