one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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