I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
