just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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