stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
